What Looks Like Crazy Page 10

  I towel-dried her, then used my blow-dryer on her wiry coat. I didn’t want her damp when she rejoined her puppies. Last, I put the collar on her. “You’re such a good girl,” I said. “I have no doubt I’ll be able to find a good home for you, as well as your puppies, when the time comes.”

  She fixed her big brown eyes on mine. “Don’t look at me like that,” I said. “I can’t keep you. My life is too screwed up right now. I’m too screwed up. The fact that I’m telling a dog all my problems should be a clear indication.”

  Mike waited while I cleaned the tub. I didn’t know whether she was trying to be polite or whether some instinct told her I was about to go off the deep end. Since she did not seem in a hurry to rejoin the puppies, I took her for a brief walk, using her new leash. Afterward I sat by the box in the laundry room and saw that the runt nursed. In the kitchen, I tried to decide what to cook for dinner. It was already getting late. Finally I pulled some tuna fish from my cabinet, drained it, and ate it right out of the can as Mike watched.

  “See what I mean?” I said. “This is no way to live.”

  The phone rang. Thad spoke from the other end and wasted no time getting to the point. “Did you talk Thomas out of going to an attorney?”

  “I can’t discuss what went on in a private session,” I said.

  “It wasn’t a real session. You just talked to him.”

  “Why don’t you talk to him, Thad? It wouldn’t kill you to get involved in your brother’s life.”

  “We have nothing in common. Thomas is in a bowling league, for Pete’s sake!”

  “Oh, like I have anything in common with my family, better known as Dysfunctional ‘R’ Us?”

  “Let’s face it, Kate; you’re a better woman than I am a man.”

  “You’re not as shallow and insensitive as you pretend to be. I know that deep down you’re a decent human being.”

  Thad sighed. “I hate it when you try to make me into something I’m not.”

  “I believe in you, Thad.”

  “It would be so much easier to just buy Thomas another hog,” he said before he hung up.

  chapter 7

  Mona and I sipped coffee in the kitchen before Nancy and my first patient of the day arrived. I noticed that Mona looked worried.

  “I’m thinking this thing with Liam and me isn’t going to work out,” she said. “He’s tired all the time. He has problems holding his eyes open at dinner. I think that’s the only reason he hasn’t pushed for sex; he doesn’t have the energy. Of course, there’s always the possibility that he’s not really attracted to me.”

  “He certainly seemed attracted when he came by to pick you up for dinner,” I said, “but I know medical school is a bear.”

  “Exactly,” she said with a nod. “I need a man who has more time to devote to me.” She took a sip of her coffee. “But enough about me. Why do you look worried?”

  “I’m concerned about one of Mike’s puppies,” I said. “The runt,” I added.

  “When do you see the vet?” she asked.

  “Friday was the earliest appointment I could get.” I gave a wide yawn. I’d gotten up several times during the night to make sure the runt ate.

  “Don’t let it stress you,” Mona said. “You and Mrs. Perez are doing a great job.” She paused. “Anything else on your mind?” she asked.

  There were times when I felt Mona could read my thoughts. I shrugged. “I guess I’m having a case of pre-divorce jitters.”

  “It’s not too late to change your mind, you know.”

  “It’s complicated.”

  “So you’ve said. But complicated and irreparable aren’t the same.”

  I was thankful that Nancy chose that moment to come through the door. I couldn’t explain my feelings to Mona when I didn’t understand them myself.

  I was dragging by late afternoon. Bad enough I’d lost so much sleep the night before; the morning had not gone well. One of my clinically depressed patients had taken a nosedive after discovering her husband’s infidelity. Later, a family counseling session that included a troubled teen had turned into a yelling match between father and son.

  I felt confident that I had helped in each case, but it had taken the wind out of me. To make matters worse, Mona was down in the dumps at the thought of breaking it off with Liam, and Nancy feared she would never find a job. I also feared Nancy would not find a job before I got caught with a nail salon in my kitchen.

  All in all, I could not wait for the day to end. I was counting the hours until I could climb into my bed and put the day behind me. I splashed cold water on my face, gulped back a cup of strong coffee, and waited for my last patient of the day to arrive.

  Arnie Decker was a forty-seven-year-old ex-Marine who’d served in the Persian Gulf. I’d treated a number of military personnel for posttraumatic stress disorder; I recognized the signs well since PTSD had been the topic of my dissertation. But Arnie did not suffer from it.

  He was simply lonely. He was the loneliest person I knew. Two failed marriages and a slew of relationships that had gone nowhere had convinced Arnie he was better off alone. Which was sad, because he was a strapping blond-going-gray who, thanks to Uncle Sam, had learned the importance of good physical fitness and sharply creased slacks.

  A month’s worth of sessions had gotten us nowhere; my gentle prodding to get Arnie to open up had made him more tight-lipped than ever. So we discussed his job as a chef in a four-star French restaurant, and I was privy to the secret ingredients that made his elaborate dishes the talk of the town. That Arnie would share those ingredients proved he trusted me. That he could not bring himself to give me the exact measurements showed we still had a way to go.

  Arnie was in the process of listing the ingredients of his new and improved béarnaise sauce when I found my thoughts drifting and my yawns harder to hide. My eyes burned, and my lashes felt as though tiny weights had been attached to them. I did not realize I’d dozed off until Arnie suddenly cried out in indignation, jolting me from my mininap.

  “I can’t believe you fell asleep on me!” he said. “There are chefs in town who would kill for this recipe.”

  To say I was mortified was an understatement. I straightened in my chair, an apology on my tongue. Instead I crossed my arms and gazed coolly at him.

  “You know what, Arnie? Next to me, you have the most boring life in the world. I don’t know why you’re here, but I don’t think it’s to bounce recipe ideas off me. Until you decide to open up and tell me what’s really bugging you, you’re wasting your time and money coming here.”

  I had to pause to catch my breath.

  Arnie just stared. Then he hung his head. “You’re right, Dr. Kate.”

  I didn’t know what to say, but I tried not to act surprised that I might have accidentally touched on something.

  “The truth is, I’m so damn lonely I don’t know what to do. I can’t have a successful marriage, and I don’t fit in with my old Marine buddies. I don’t fit in anywhere. I’m an outcast. I’m in pain, but I’m too embarrassed to talk about my problem.”

  I softened at the look in Arnie’s eyes. He really was in pain, so much that I could almost forgive him for being boring. My first thought was that Arnie was gay. It would explain the failed marriages and relationships and why he didn’t fit in with the guys.

  “Okay, so you’re gay,” I said.

  He shook his head.

  “Bisexual?”

  “Nope.”

  “Cross-dresser?”

  Another shake of the head.

  “Then what?”

  He covered his eyes. “This is so hard.”

  “Come on, Arnie. It’s not my job to judge my clients.” He refused to look at me. “Don’t make me arm wrestle the information out of you,” I said, trying to put him at ease.

  Finally he dragged his hands down his face and met my eyes. “Dr. Kate, you’re looking at a woman trapped in a man’s body.”

  I’ll admit I hadn’t seen it
coming. “Okay!” I said, trying to sound as though I dealt with that sort of thing all the time so I would lessen his shame. “You simply have a transgender issue,” I said. “It’s more prevalent than you think.” Actually, I couldn’t recall the statistics; there were more gender and sexual orientation disorders than Mona had credit cards. It didn’t help that one disorder could be mistaken for or overlap another. “It’ll take some time and work, but we can deal with it. Together,” I added.

  “I know all about gender identity disorders,” he said dully. “I’ve researched them. Do you have any idea what it’s like for me to walk around acting all macho and praying nobody finds out my toenails are painted?” As if acting on impulse, he suddenly pulled off one shoe and sock, and stuck out his foot so that I could see his red toenails.

  I shook my head sadly. “Oh, Arnie.”

  “I knew you’d be disgusted.”

  “Who wouldn’t be,” I said. “That’s the worst nail-painting I’ve ever seen.”

  He put down his foot, clearly offended. “So I’m not an expert. You don’t have to be rude.”

  “Trust me, I’m telling you for your own good.” I checked my wristwatch. “Look, we’re out of time, but we have made a lot of headway today. In the meantime, why don’t you let me schedule you an appointment with our manicurist in the back? Believe me, a good pedicure will go a long way toward making you feel better.”

  I arrived home to find my front door splattered with dried egg. The broken shells beneath it suggested that an entire dozen had been used as artillery. I was stunned. Had Bitsy lost her mind? Or had one of her nutcase church members decided to join her in making my life miserable?

  I muttered a four-letter word and marched across the street. I banged on Bitsy Stout’s door a full five minutes before she finally answered.

  “Are you crazy?” I shouted. “You can’t just go around defacing other people’s property.”

  Bitsy hitched her jaw in defiance. “You can’t prove I did it.”

  “I don’t need proof. You’re the only nutso neighbor I’ve got, and if you set foot on my property again, you’re going to regret it.”

  “Are you threatening me?”

  “Call it what you like, but if I catch you in my yard again, I’ll sic my dog on you.”

  Bitsy smirked. “That little thing couldn’t hurt a housefly.”

  I hate smirks. I wanted to smack that smirk right off of her face. Instead I crossed my arms and smirked right back at her. “Well, for your information, her father was a pit bull and dangerously vicious.”

  Bitsy slammed the door in my face. I crossed the street, went inside my house, and let Mike out to relieve herself. By the time she returned, I’d changed into jeans and a T-shirt and taken a couple of pictures of the crime scene. I had no idea how I was going to build a case against Bitsy, but I couldn’t afford to let her damage my door so severely that I was forced to replace it.

  I filled a bucket with hot sudsy water. I scrubbed and muttered foul words for more than an hour and was rinsing away the soap with a garden hose when the police pulled up.

  I watched the officers cross my yard. “Are you Kate Holly?” the older one asked.

  I immediately became anxious. Had something happened to Jay? Had my mother and aunt been in an accident? “Yes,” I said quickly. “What’s wrong?”

  “We got a call from one of your neighbors that you threatened her life.”

  I gave a huge sigh. “I don’t believe this.”

  “Did you or did you not threaten to unleash your killer attack dog on your neighbor Miss Stout?”

  I tried to think my way out of getting arrested, but before I could answer, a familiar black SUV pulled up. Jay climbed out and crossed the yard.

  “Good afternoon, officers,” he said politely. “I understand we have a little problem here.”

  “Who are you?” the younger officer asked.

  “I know who he is,” the other man said, regarding Jay. They shook hands. “Who called the fire department?”

  “Nobody,” Jay said. “I heard it over the scanner. Figured you guys might need backup. This is one dangerous woman you’re dealing with. I’m married to her, so I should know.”

  I was sure Bitsy Stout was peering out her window at the whole thing. “That’s really funny, Jay,” I said.

  “Your wife supposedly threatened to sic her attack dog on an old lady.”

  “She also made lewd and lascivious gestures,” the younger one said.

  Jay looked at me. “Dang, Kate. That’s no way to treat a senior citizen.”

  I tried to explain my side of the story. “It started with that sculpture,” I said, pointing to it. “Bitsy calls it pornographic.”

  All three men studied it closely. “What’s it supposed to be?” the younger one asked.

  “It’s called First Man and Woman. I think it’s supposed to be Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden.”

  “I’ll bet I know where you got that,” Jay said, looking amused.

  “What’s that thing there?” the younger cop asked, pointing to the man.

  I gave an enormous sigh. “A leaf.”

  Jay continued to look amused as I told them how Bitsy had defaced my door twice. His smile faded when I told them about the threatening phone call at work.

  “Did you file a complaint?” the older officer asked, still studying the statue.

  “No. I’m sort of in the process of building my case.”

  “Well, we need to get a look at the animal,” he said.

  I opened the door and stepped back so they could enter. I led them to my utility room. As if acting on cue, Mike was lying in her box, looking docile, while her puppies nursed. She wagged her tail.

  “That’s your killer attack dog?” the younger officer said.

  “Yep,” I said as Mike’s tail thumped against the cardboard box. “She is just disguised as a puny little mutt who recently gave birth.”

  The young cop grinned. “Hey, those are some cute puppies. My kids would love to have a puppy.”

  “It can be arranged,” I assured him.

  The older cop shook his head. “Look, you can get into a lot of trouble by threatening people,” he said. “Especially old ladies,” he added. “I’m going to give you a warning this time, but if it happens again, you’re not going to be so lucky.”

  I opened my mouth to protest, but Jay cut me off. “Nod your head, Katie,” he said. “Promise the policeman you’ll play nice from now on. You do not want to go to jail. Bad things can happen to good girls who land in jail.”

  I gulped and nodded fiercely.

  “See that?” Jay said to the men. “She’s learned her lesson.”

  “Okay, we’re done here,” the older cop said to his partner, who handed me his card and asked me to call him when I was ready to find homes for the puppies. I escorted them to the door, still nodding.

  “That was a close call,” Jay said once I’d closed the door. “I could use a cold beer. I think I deserve it for getting your butt out of a sling. And then I want to hear about the guy who called and threatened you.”

  I was too shaken to speak. I remembered I had exactly one beer in my refrigerator. Jay followed me to the kitchen, and I pulled it out. He opened it. Instead of taking a drink, he handed it to me. I took a long swig.

  “Well?” he asked.

  I handed him the beer and repeated what I’d said only minutes before.

  “What makes you so sure it has something to do with Bitsy whatever-her-last-name-is?”

  “It makes sense that her church group would rally around her, since they all think I’m displaying pornography.” I sighed. “I wish I’d never seen that statue.”

  “You think I need to hang out here for a few days just in case this guy shows up?”

  “No. I’m hoping the whole thing will blow over.”

  “I want you to keep me posted.”

  We took turns sipping the beer. My stomach growled.

  Jay smiled.
“How about we grab dinner?”

  “I don’t know if that’s wise,” I said. “We’re getting divorced Friday of next week.”

  “But this is Thursday of this week.”

  We went back and forth for several minutes before I finally gave in. I can be so weak at times. All I have to do is look into those blue eyes, and I’m a goner.

  “I’ll agree to go this one time, okay? But I’m paying my own way, because I don’t want you to get the wrong idea.”

  “The wrong idea?” he asked quizzically.

  “Yeah. Like you can just waltz back into my life and expect to pick up where we left off.”

  He pretended to be shocked. “I would never think that, Katie. I’ve come to terms with the fact that we no longer find each other irresistible.”

  I knew he was lying. He knew I knew he was lying. But I was hungry, and the thought of eating canned tuna was even scarier than sitting across a table from my soon-to-be-ex-husband and trying hard not to get caught up in his good looks or in those smiles that made my nerve endings do happy dances.

  “Okay,” I said. “As long as we understand each other.”

  We headed for the door. Jay paused to open it for me. “And just to make you feel better, let me say that I almost never think about sex with you.”

  chapter 8

  “You did not tell me we were going to Rusty’s Place,” I said when it was apparent Jay was headed in that direction.

  “What’s wrong with Rusty’s Place? It used to be your favorite.”

  Which is why I didn’t want to go there, I wanted to tell him. I had stayed away from Rusty’s after separating from Jay. It had been our place. The jukebox had our songs. Jay and I had a favorite table. “Okay,” I said, figuring I may as well get it over with. Jay and I had history. I couldn’t avoid every place we’d ever been together.

  I didn’t miss the shocked looks we received from Rusty or his waitresses when we stepped through the front door ten minutes later. Rusty personally met us with menus. He gave me a hug and made the usual small talk. I noticed he hadn’t lost the belly that suggested he liked the food he served.